I've been thinking a lot lately about fear, and trying new ways to approach it. With my upbringing, life, and experience, having fear has definitely been a life-saver. Fear of dark alleys, unknown neighborhoods, the unstable person in the room - all of them have been warranted and useful. Growing up in NYC, life was beautiful, abundant, and at the same time, the threats were real. But when does it go too far? When does this fear become a hindrance? How do we trust enough of our own ability to handle anything that comes, our faith in a higher power (if we have one), or faith in life itself? We are still here for a reason, there is more for us to do, but why let fear hold us back?
I have looked up lots about fear, heard so many quotes and perspectives. One of my favorite is by Cheri Huber:
"Fear of the unknown is fear of our own imagination."
I think that puts it in the best perspective I've seen. Fear, even the "real" ones, like the ones we have about snakes, spiders, and charging cars, are all our own imagination - until they aren't. But what I notice most about the likelihood of any of my fears coming to fruition, actually happening, is quite slim. And, the things that actually happen, are things that I would not have guessed or worried about.
So, what now? We are fighting a ghost that doesn't exist, taking up time and energy with worry, doubt, and inaction. And when things actually do happen, we find a way. What's the purpose of this fear anyway?
We can make it mean anything we want. I like to use it to fuel me, to point to areas in my plans that may be lacking. I also use it to get me into action. If I'm worried and afraid of something, I do the thing I'm worried about, try something new, make the call, ask the question, get that test done. And you know what? Almost every time, there is nothing wrong. And by taking that action, I'm further along than I've started. On those rare occasions when something actually was wrong, knowing was always better than not knowing. I could do something, get help, get support, begin the healing process.
Some questions for reflection:
How do you address your fears?
What have they taught you?
What action will you take this week to change how often you worry or let your fears take over?
Wishing you all a wonderful, prosperous week!
As we start another week, I am thinking of motivation. With so many projects, groups, activities, and responsibilities on my plate, I notice that my motivation level follows a pattern. Whenever I start something new, I get super EXCITED about the possibility of what I can create, what I'm about, and how I can contribute. In this stage, everything is possible, I'm going to change the world, and I can't spend enough time on the work. After a while, though, the excitement fades. I get into the real nitty gritty of the work and I start getting OVERWHELMED. Wow, this is a lot of work! Can I really do this? How am I going to do it all? Is it February already?!?! And lots of other thoughts flow through my mind. When I get overwhelmed, I usually stop. I get paralyzed by all of the work there is to do, I doubt myself, and my abilities. I question why I was there in the first place, and who am I to even try? I don't know about you, but I can stay in overwhelm for a long while. I stay stuck, and disempowered, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, unless it gets interrupted. I have some things that I do to get myself out of that overwhelm trap. From here, I RESET myself, my mindset, and the way I spend my time and energy. I talk with people, get supported, ask for help, and find ways to take extra care of myself. Above all, I forgive myself for stopping, for getting stuck, and start over again. Having let go of the energy and pain of stopping, I am EMPOWERED to continue, moving my projects and actions forward in a great stride.
What's great about noticing this pattern in myself, I can interrupt it. I can catch myself in different places in the cycle and get to empowered faster. I also share this pattern with others in my support network so that they can help me see where I am when I don't see it for myself. Then I take action to get myself back to empowered. Nothing's wrong with any phase of my pattern, and nothing is wrong with yours. What we can do, is be kind to ourselves, notice, and course-correct when we choose.
Some questions for reflection:
Do you notice any of this in yourself? What does your pattern look like?
What value do you see in identifying this pattern for yourself?
What phase are you in on each of your responsibilities? Is that where you want to be? What action will you take to shift your perspective?
I wish you all a powerful week, full of love, happiness and success!
_When I was in about 5th or 6th grade, on a family trip to Puerto Rico, we went to one of the beaches at the resort we stayed in. Looking back on it now, it never occurred to us that although it was a really big resort, very few people were out on the beach and even fewer were in the water. We went along our merry way and played in the sand, and got in the water. Me, Mom, Dad, and my two younger sisters (one about 10 yrs old and the other about 3). Shortly after getting in, I started getting pulled by the undercurrent. Every time I tried standing up, I got pulled in deeper, and further out to sea. Mom panicked, Dad got my sisters out of the water to safety, and I swam my heart out, still trying to stand up to catch a breath. Then Dad came back and said "swim with the waves" or something like that. We always would play in the waves coming in and let them push us to shore. In order to do that, we had to float and take our feet off of the ground. And so I let go. I swam with the waves, came back in to shore, safely with my Mom, Dad, and sisters. We were all shaken and nervous. And we were grateful. We had a wonderful time the rest of the trip, growing as a family and connecting with our relatives. The attached video reminds me of that story ( http://vimeo.com/27933991). I realize that I need to let go, and swim with the waves in my life. My automatic is what is actually hurting me right now, trying to keep me safe by standing up to catch a breath, when the air is actually abundant when I float and swim with the flow of the water. In going with the waves, my health and wellness are enhanced, my relationships thrive, and my career impacts others in a powerful way. I bet we all have a story like this, our lives are set up for us to take gold from every experience we have. I thank my coach for helping me see the gold in this experience so that I will fulfill on my declaration for the luscious delicious life as leader, love, coach, mentor coach, wife, mother, friend, sister, and every other role I have created and empowered so that I can be my most authentic self and make this life great, and share that with the lives of everyone I meet. What will you empower today?
I've been a part of a team for the past year and one thing that continues to be a challenge for us is asking for support, help, assistance, or whatever word works for us instead of our normal way of going at things alone. We all know that two heads (or more!) are better than one, but when it comes right down to it, most of us would rather go solo when we're faced with a challenge. It lead me to thinking about support in general. How do we get it? How do we give it? What do we ask for? How much is enough? Too much? I assert that these questions, among others, are just us avoiding and evading facing what's uncomfortable for us. We can't get it right. We can't be perfect about getting or giving support. We may be rejected. And in the midst of trying to get it right, we lose out on some of the best support around.
The following story reminded me of this idea of support:
Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a man who said he believed in God. One day it started to rain and did not stop. It rained and rained. It rained so hard that the roads turned into rivers and water started to come into the houses. The man climbed onto the roof of his house to escape the water. A short time later, a boat came to his house and the captain shouted to the man: “Come into my boat and I will take you to safety!”. The man replied: “No, I will not come – the Lord will save me”. So the boat went away.
And the rain kept raining and the water got higher. Late that night another boat arrived and the captain shouted to the man: “You must act quickly, please get into my boat and I will take you to safety!”. Again the man replied: “No, I will not come – the Lord will save me”. So the boat went away. And the rain kept raining and the water got so high that it reached the top of the house and the man had to hold onto the chimney to keep from drowning. A third boat came to the man’s house and the captain shouted: “This is your last chance! Get into my boat and I will take you to safety!”. Again the man replied: “No, I will not come – the Lord will save me”. So the boat went away. And the rain kept raining and the water got so high that the man drowned.
When he arrived in heaven, he asked God: “My Lord, why did you not save me? I waited for you for so long!”. And God replied: “But, my child, I sent you three boats!”.
How many times have we been the one on the boat? Or the man on his roof? Let's start accepting and giving more. Let's stop waiting for God to throw thunderbolts and lightning and a big to do for us to see a miracle. Our miracle is in each and every one of us and what we bring to each other.
Did this provide any insight for you? What action will you take from here?
I was hanging out with my seven year old son about a year ago and he asked “Mommy, what if dinosaurs were alive today?” I immediately went on and on about how he shouldn’t worry about dinosaurs being here today, and that they would be so big they would crush things around them and that it would be so dangerous, and so on and so forth. He looked at me, somewhat annoyed, and replied “Mommy, I said “WHAT IF” And it hit me. My automatic response is to mitigate the risks, avoid disappointments, manage fears. This wasn’t the first “What if” question he’s asked me over the years. It wasn’t until he so elegantly replied that I was able to see what I had been doing. How amazingly freeing and exciting to be unfettered and open to possibility!! Now when he asks “What if,” I play along, and we have such a fun time. It opens us up to connection and levity and play. One of the most helpful tenets of coaching is that anything that’s automatic, that drives an automatic response, usually shows up in more than one area of a person’s life. That led me to explore – where else do I automatically shut down possibility in my life? What other “What if’s” am I ignoring, avoiding, or squashing without even realizing it? In my well being – what if I drank water throughout the day, tracked my eating habits, and hired a personal trainer? In my job – what if I didn’t criticize my manager, and handled my assignments with ease? In my home life – what if we ate dinner together at the table, what if we shared household chores as a delight instead of a burden, or shared something fun every day? What are the “What if’s” in your life? What’s your automatic response to them? What can you choose differently? What impact will it make in your life? Try it out this week and share your experiences with us!! Love and hugs, Luz -- Luz Flores Lee Executive and Life Coach [email protected]With passion, anything is possible! Contact me for a complimentary sample session
While on a walk with my 10 year old daughter, she brought up her latest challenge - learning how to ride her two-wheel bike. Now, let me give you some background here - the last time she tried riding the bike the training included her falling on the floor, crying, getting back up and throwing the bike! Despite her attempts to stay on the bike and balance, she continued to give up pedaling, lose her balance, and fall. Two other women passed us on our journey and gave encouragement to her, sharing their own experiences and letting her know that we've all been through it... and that she can do it! But she still struggled and didn't see how she was ever going to do it. We decided to stop for the day and take it up another time. That being said, after creating some distance from the bike riding incident of the previous weekend, she mentioned that she had to learn how to brake. "Of course, that's the third thing, though," she said. "Really? What are the first two?" I asked. She said "The first one is balance, and the second one is pedaling." Realizing an opportunity to teach, I respond "Those first two are actually one thing. You can't have balance unless you keep on pedaling." She looked thoughtfully at me and asked "Even when I start going off to the side?" "Especially on those times!!" I went on to clarify that the slower she goes, the harder it is to maintain balance, and that if she pedals through the challenging times and stays focused on where she is going - she'll get there. And then it hit me - once again sports analogies hold true for something so important in life. We can't get balance by standing still. Balance is achieved by moving forward and continuing to adjust and respond to times when we're off balance. Stay focused on our goals and committed to 'pedaling through' the rough parts, and we'll get there! I'm still working with my daughter on her biking skills. She is committed to learning and I'm committed to her success. As she learns these lessons and begins to internalize her own power to making this happen, I have no doubt that she'll be riding around soon! What challenging goal have you set for yourself that you are struggling with? Post notes and we'll have a chat! Love and hugs, Luz -- Luz Flores Lee Executive and Life Coach [email protected]With passion, anything is possible!
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